A bad relationship is better than none
I just heard this sentence from the mouth of a psychologist and it struck me, not only as not making much sense, but also as a bit sad.
I am currently single and I have been so for a while, but I don’t intend to be so all my life. Not because I’m afraid of being alone, but because I do feel that life tastes better when we are accompanied by someone we love and cherish. And this is exactly my point against the sentence above. Love, desire, respect, identification, sharing, trust, comfort and support; these are all the things that, to me, identify a good relationship and that is this kind I’m looking for. And that is why I am alone right now, because to find what I’m looking for I’m willing to let go by all the chances of relationships that don’t seem healthy to me.
I don’t mean that in a good relationship everything is rosy and there are no bumps in the road. Of course there are! Disagreements, fights, bad mood days, impatience, routine, having to make concessions, etc, all take their part in it. And a good relationship doesn’t even have to be for life, it can be only for a while, but while it lasts both people have to feel that they are better together than apart. Despite every difficulty, the two of them believe the other helps him/her to be a happier/better person on the whole.
If you stay with someone who makes you feel bad, or brings out the worst in you, how is that better than being alone? Unless you are terrified of being alone, unless you completely depend on that person for some reason, or unless you have some kind of traumatic problem, how is it better to stay where you or your partner are abused, disrespected, stepped on or completely ignored? Because that is what my definition of a “bad relationship” is.
Good and bad relationships can have different meanings for everyone, that’s true. Someone who only wants a comfortable home and someone to talk to might feel good in a relationship that’s more about friendship than passion. And, on the other side of the spectrum, someone who thrives on passion and excitement might feel better in a wild and consuming relationship than on a quieter one.
I don’t pretend to tell others how to live. I can only tell what works for me, and that is to find somebody that feels “right” in each moment, for as long as that moment lasts. Maybe I’m idealistic, but being with someone I don’t even like or respect, just because it might be better than being alone, would feel like some kind of emotional prostitution and I would be an hypocrite towards myself and towards that other person.
I just heard this sentence from the mouth of a psychologist and it struck me, not only as not making much sense, but also as a bit sad.
I am currently single and I have been so for a while, but I don’t intend to be so all my life. Not because I’m afraid of being alone, but because I do feel that life tastes better when we are accompanied by someone we love and cherish. And this is exactly my point against the sentence above. Love, desire, respect, identification, sharing, trust, comfort and support; these are all the things that, to me, identify a good relationship and that is this kind I’m looking for. And that is why I am alone right now, because to find what I’m looking for I’m willing to let go by all the chances of relationships that don’t seem healthy to me.
I don’t mean that in a good relationship everything is rosy and there are no bumps in the road. Of course there are! Disagreements, fights, bad mood days, impatience, routine, having to make concessions, etc, all take their part in it. And a good relationship doesn’t even have to be for life, it can be only for a while, but while it lasts both people have to feel that they are better together than apart. Despite every difficulty, the two of them believe the other helps him/her to be a happier/better person on the whole.
If you stay with someone who makes you feel bad, or brings out the worst in you, how is that better than being alone? Unless you are terrified of being alone, unless you completely depend on that person for some reason, or unless you have some kind of traumatic problem, how is it better to stay where you or your partner are abused, disrespected, stepped on or completely ignored? Because that is what my definition of a “bad relationship” is.
Good and bad relationships can have different meanings for everyone, that’s true. Someone who only wants a comfortable home and someone to talk to might feel good in a relationship that’s more about friendship than passion. And, on the other side of the spectrum, someone who thrives on passion and excitement might feel better in a wild and consuming relationship than on a quieter one.
I don’t pretend to tell others how to live. I can only tell what works for me, and that is to find somebody that feels “right” in each moment, for as long as that moment lasts. Maybe I’m idealistic, but being with someone I don’t even like or respect, just because it might be better than being alone, would feel like some kind of emotional prostitution and I would be an hypocrite towards myself and towards that other person.
A.C., Lisbon, December the 23th, 2006.
posted by Alya_C at
9:36 AM
|
0 comments
