Fear & Hope
I knew something was twisted today…
I could feel it.
After feeling so happy and pumped up yesterday, with everything running smoothly - job getting done, friends calling, every hope being fulfilled - today has hit me like a blast. Nothing has really changed that much… it were just a few bits and pieces that were out of the normal way. Grains of sand in the engine, you might call them. But they left me frozen, scared and out of balance.
The dream is still there, while there’s life there’s hope, but… I feel like I’ve stumbled over a rock on the way. I lost balance for a while and I now I’m scared I may fall. It’s silly, but there’s a crunching feeling inside my chest, a gush of panic that doesn’t allow me to breathe freely.
At these moments I’m so scared that I may be wasting my life following a wild goose chase… What if I can’t do it? What if it wasn’t meant to be? It’s terrifying because I look around, trying to find alternatives and I see none.
Maybe I’m megalomaniac, but I’ve always felt sort of displaced in the routine of everyday life around me. I can’t live on routine, I need to feel inspired to move forward and that is why I set goals and build up dreams, because they are the food my soul needs to stay alive.
But what if my goals and dreams are too high? What if all I’m doing is deluding myself? That is what I’m afraid of… that I might wake up one day and then it might be too late to start all over again on another path.
Then I look around and see others that have dreamed and have succeeded and that is why I can’t give up. Nobody ever said life was easy and those who give up for fear of not succeeding are the ones that fail for sure. Fear is not a good advisor.
I might reach my dream and I might not. There’s a 50/50 percent change, like in everything in life, and that is why I cannot just give up. If indeed I’m wrong in my choices, then I’ll deal with it as time comes, but for now I have to keep believing… keep hoping I’ve made the right choice, keep working to fulfil my dream and believe that something good might come out of it. My time will come!
A.C. September the 5th, 2006
I knew something was twisted today…
I could feel it.
After feeling so happy and pumped up yesterday, with everything running smoothly - job getting done, friends calling, every hope being fulfilled - today has hit me like a blast. Nothing has really changed that much… it were just a few bits and pieces that were out of the normal way. Grains of sand in the engine, you might call them. But they left me frozen, scared and out of balance.
The dream is still there, while there’s life there’s hope, but… I feel like I’ve stumbled over a rock on the way. I lost balance for a while and I now I’m scared I may fall. It’s silly, but there’s a crunching feeling inside my chest, a gush of panic that doesn’t allow me to breathe freely.
At these moments I’m so scared that I may be wasting my life following a wild goose chase… What if I can’t do it? What if it wasn’t meant to be? It’s terrifying because I look around, trying to find alternatives and I see none.
Maybe I’m megalomaniac, but I’ve always felt sort of displaced in the routine of everyday life around me. I can’t live on routine, I need to feel inspired to move forward and that is why I set goals and build up dreams, because they are the food my soul needs to stay alive.
But what if my goals and dreams are too high? What if all I’m doing is deluding myself? That is what I’m afraid of… that I might wake up one day and then it might be too late to start all over again on another path.
Then I look around and see others that have dreamed and have succeeded and that is why I can’t give up. Nobody ever said life was easy and those who give up for fear of not succeeding are the ones that fail for sure. Fear is not a good advisor.
I might reach my dream and I might not. There’s a 50/50 percent change, like in everything in life, and that is why I cannot just give up. If indeed I’m wrong in my choices, then I’ll deal with it as time comes, but for now I have to keep believing… keep hoping I’ve made the right choice, keep working to fulfil my dream and believe that something good might come out of it. My time will come!
A.C. September the 5th, 2006
posted by Alya_C at
4:36 AM
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